Took some time off from overthinking and focused on the simpler things: backgammon and some tea

Disclaimer: this post is cheesy and sappy

As silly- and possibly pretentious- as the title sounds, it's something I was thinking about last night. It's almost 2016, and everyone's got their resolutions, their plans for the new year, their goals and aspirations and so on all figured out. I spent a fortune on two (I'll need both, don't judge) limited edition Star Wars Moleskine daily planners and I've been waiting, ever so excited, for it to finally be the first of January so I can go ahead and finally use them.
And then it hit me.

Was the only thing I was looking forward to the most, using these leather bound notebooks?
I thought back to other new years 'resolutions' of mine, and most of the resolution's I had were pretty laughable (not actually doing them aside).  One year it was to learn crocheting, the other it was to stop biting my nails, and the other it was to stop this, and the other it was that, learn this, go there, etc. I didn't really have decent or longterm ones, either. One's that were important, one's that had to be done. I'm in my last year of school, and my whole entire future depends on this. Here I am, sitting, stressing over the fact that I have no long term goals or aspirations...to have as my new years resolution.

When I was younger I was studious (more or less). I got decent grades, I drew, I went out, I had fun, I watched films, all that. We all did. After a point, I mostly stopped. So many people I've known for a long time have told me I've not changed, but I really have. When did I lose my motivation? When did I stop aspiring? Not being able to concentrate to one side, why couldn't I push myself to study?  I very well knew how important these past few years have been, and very well know how important what will happen in the future is, but it seemed that I couldn't act out.

I've made myself a list which says what I need to do and focus on this year. This list is my list, I won't be sharing it. It's not a secret, but it's me-specific (if you will); it has all the things I was supposed to do all those years, but didn't. My resolution isn't to learn to crochet or go sky diving, it's to finish those things. Is to make sure that I can be my old self. So that I can be happy, so I don't have to stress, so I can do something. Everything ends. The past happened but it was in the past, there's no point in reliving it. Even if it's not even the past, and it's rather your version of the past, and you find yourself too caught up on it (like I am now) then you should do something about it. Something good.

What are your wishes for this new year?